Self-work again today.

People have always been a challenge for me to understand. I grew up in a bit of isolation, so my suspicion is that people may always be a bit of a mystery in some aspects.

I was thinking to myself the other night, an “aborisa” is a student of nature. What good is it if you can talk to trees to get history, speak to the water and make rain, or have the plants identify themselves to you if you haven’t mastered understanding humans in the course of studying nature? Yet, I would still feel at home speaking to a tree all day rather than another person for more than ten minutes.

I believe there is a level of safety in avoiding people. Why? Because people hurt even when they don’t mean to harm. They can be disingenuous in their intentions for talking to you, in what they say to you and in the way that they secretly judge you. When seeking advice, all the cards are not laid on the table yet I play dumb as if I don’t see it as long as they continue to act like I won’t notice. I find myself being frequently hurt by those who feign a level of intimacy just to later discover that the reproduced words were intentionally missing key elements – therefore lying by omission.

This is one of my challenges I am having to work on this year for sure. I need to focus so that (1) I provide the answers that the other person wants to hear, (2) I can engage without any true interest and (3) I can be pleasant but distant. I wonder if I accomplish all these things and become a reflection of the people around me, will I have sacrificed who I am in the process? The answer, I’m sure, is yes and would not be a positive change. Somewhere in the middle is the answer.

The question then becomes where is the middle?

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